The Ups and Downs of Professional Bull Riding Competitions

Dirty South here!

Just wanted to let people know about my recent trip to a professional (that's right) bull riding competition down in Arkansas.

This was my first time at a PBR, as they call it in the south, and may I just say that I am really pissed off that I did not marry into bull riding money. Apparently these guys can take home in excess of a quarter of a million a year! The really good ones get more.

So, my recently seperated sister wanted to go to this thing and dragged me along. She was meeting a guy there and she said she had someone for me. Now, this usually means that I am going to be sitting with a guy who is a step up from quasimoto all for the sake of my sis........but not this day! This guy was HOT! Smoking hot. I sat by him and in my typical lady like fashion, I proceeded to get shit faced on cheap beer and cuss at everything and everyone around me. I laughed when the bulls humped eachother and screamed for bodily harm to come to the poor bull riders. Charming.

I felt his attention begin to wear off a bit so I did my best strip pole dance in an arena seat to Def Leppard's "Poor Some Sugar on Me". This is always a crowd pleaser (even though I did not consider the ten year olds sitting behind me) and I felt his eyes begin to return to me. While I was on this roll, I decided to seal the deal by eating a corn dog that was atleast 22 inches long. By eating, I mean performing felatio. Yup, felatio, on a fucking hot dog covered in bread and mustard. I am telling you what. Just because I am pushing 30, does not mean I cannot revert to high school tricks!

Now I really had him. Well, my drunk ass thought I did, but alas, I was not yet done with my dance of seduction. The whole crew went to a lovely bar called the Electric Cowboy. This is a lovely Southern establishment with cheap beer and cheaper women. There is a huge dance floor where line dancing is a must and an electric bull. Nice. I could not ride the bull because my tits were everywhere as it was. I am 28, but I insist on wearing shirts that would not compliment a barbie doll. I decided to dance, dance, dance. I put on my best seduction face and went to town. I clogged, I stomped, I slid, I feel, I twisted and turned, and I flirted with my dude. By flirted, I basically stalked him and made sure no ladies were talking to him. This seemed to work because come bar close, our little entourage all headed to the car together. I convinced him that he should stay with me in a twin bed at my sister's house. Why he agreed, I still do not know, but I thank the god's in heaven, because I had the most mind blowing sex in a twin bed that I have ever had. This guy had the goods and he brought them home to momma! Old girls' still got it!

Basically, I have learned two things from this experience. First, if you want to have the most mind blowing sex of your life, make sure that you take your dude to watch a big ass manly bull throwing off guys who must have balls of steel. This will make him feel like he must prove himself to you and he will ride you like the cowboy he is. Secondly, if you are over 25, always keep your bra on when you are riding him. C'mon girls.......you know better. It's just gross to see those torpedos.